Okay, Okay, I know that song is going to waaay date me, but honestly I have lived my life with that as my theme song! Many a party in my youth was soundtracked by Sir Mix-a-Lot with myself and other bootylicious girls twerking. Long before Miley was out of diapers, Robin Thicke was caught ass grabbing, or Kim Kardashian was filling out the back end of her Dior dresses, we were swiveling our hips like the good, Midwestern teenage tramps we were!
Just kidding, we didn’t twerk, and we were only a little trampy, but we did delight in some less than classical music, usually in the aftermath of a break-up or the twilight hours of a slumber party. All accompanied by good o’l comfort food. Since this week has brought some hiccups my way that have been frustrating and very eye-opening, I just needed comfort food like you wouldn’t believe.
My older brother, who is yet to turn forty, was waiting on results to find out if he had heart disease, my mother is going tomorrow for a biopsy because they ‘found something’ on her mammogram (my mammaw had breast cancer), and the relaxing night at the salon turned into a hack job from hell that ended with me curled in a fetal position.
Let them eat potatoes!
Luckily, after a major comfort food haul Monday and Tuesday, my brother found out that its not heart disease, we won’t know anything about my mom for around another week (so that panic attack is on hold), and I found a fantastic stylist who was able to salvage what was done to my hair. (If you live anywhere nearby, you should only go to Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Salon!!) While I still cried like a baby when I went to pull my hair back and go cycling last night, at least it looks cute until it grows out again, and my ass thanks me profusely for finding a way to indulge my dire need for comfort food with my own take on some classics.

Potato Chips for ANY reason:

Ingredients:

  • 1 large russet potato (or regular potato)
  • garlic powder
  • onion powder
  • Tony Satri’s Seasoning (or other all purpose seasoning & I may have spelled that wrong)
  • Cooking Spray

Directions:

  1. Using a mandolin slicer set to the almost thinnest setting, slice your potato(es).
  2. On at least one gigantic cookie sheet (I sometimes am too impatient and use 2) spray the sheet with cooking spray (lightly!)
  3. Place each slice of potato on the sheet, making rows and filling in any gaps with the smaller slices.
  4. Once all potato slices are laid-out, sprinkle with garlic powder, onion powder, and all purpose seasoning (use salt in addition if you use one that is salt-free)
  5. Bake at 400 degrees for about 7 minutes, then start checking about 1x every minute as these will go from perfect to burnt and inedible in seconds.
Note* You can use any combination of seasonings, although some work better than others. We’ve even brushed some Sriracha onto ours for spicy and delicious chips.
**I usually end up taking off the chips that are getting done and putting them on a paper plate and then putting the tray back in the oven to finish the rest. You can also do these in batches if you have more patience than I do. I tend to eat them all while waiting for the 2nd batch so I like to do them at once.
The great thing about these chips is that apart from the small amount of cooking spray to keep them from sticking to your pan, they are fat free, low in sodium (this depends on you), and you can eat an entire heaping plate of them for the same nutritional values as a single potato since that’s how many one potato makes. Takes all the guilt out of your need for a potato chip away. My kids loved these, and I felt great about letting them eat them. I slice the potatoes with the skin on as I like the added nutrition and taste.
Last night my hubs really was craving coney dogs, and since I was having a bad week, this was music to my ears (plus I was feeling pretty lazy). We ran up to Kroger and picked up what we were missing for the dogs, and I ran into the dilemma of trying to figure out based on the random reviews online whether to purchase Tofurkey’s Kielbasa or Light & Leans Jumbo Dogs. Both had mixed reviews, and I was worried I would get stuck eating something I was not so fond-of. Meat replacements are a mixed bag, no doubt!
So what does any glutton worth her salt do? She buys both!!
I grilled me up one of both types. The L&L Jumbo Dog grilled up looking a lot more like a regular hot dog, and contrary to other reviews, I didn’t think it had a weird smell and actually seemed pretty All-American Weiner’ish.  The Tofurkey Kielbasa was a slightly odd color, and grilled up looking kinda beige, but nothing too bizarre.
Torfukey (left) Light & Lean (right)
As a true ‘Merican I topped mine with about 1/4 cup of Daiya shredded cheddar, some Amy’s Spicy Chili, and a mound of chopped yellow onion all on a lightly toasted whole wheat bun. Oh yeah, I was filling that comfort food need to the brim!
I tasted a bite of each, and while the L&L Jumbo Dog did a far better job of filling the coney dog craving, I liked both dogs. I think the Kielbasa’s would be best sliced and sauteed with some veggies and used in a pasta dish maybe (or they have an Italian sausage version too), but after eating almost all of both dogs and half a plate of the potato chips above, I snuggled up on the couch with the hubs and watched a comedy. I would consider this the best date night in ever!
Oh, and I killed the last of the Peanut Butter Zig Zag Soy Delicious ice cream…so that helped too!

How to slice a watermelon like a BOSS…

I’m not sure about you, but I hate slicing melon. I’m not sure if it’s the sticky onslaught of juice that ends up everywhere, or if its the fact that cutting round things into cubes sucks ass, but I hate slicing them.

Lucky for me, I am a Reddit junky and found a great YouTube posting of a video from a cruise ship of this guy slicing watermelon like a true boss. Gotta say, just about the coolest thing I’ve seen, at least since finding The Laziest Vegans In The World .

What do you ask is his oh so cool trick? Well here is the original video of the Watermelon Boss, but if you’re like me and need a little more instruction and don’t want to watch the damn video a ton of times (which I did because its just so mesmerizing), then here’s my easy how-to.

Slicing like a BOSS!

 

  1. Cut the ends of the watermelon. Just enough to allow it to sit flat on your cutting board.
  2. Sit that sucker on its end with the other cut-end up. Slowly and carefully, using a hella sharp knife (thanks honey!), slice the sides off, curving your cut around the shape of the melon.
  3. After you have what I think of as a watermelon football, slice it into smaller slices then cut those into chunks.
The sharper your knife the easier this is. Also, this allows you to salvage way more melon and not end up with those pesky areas that you just have to eat off the rind so you’re not wasting.
Have a great Hump Day everyone! And remember that comfort food cures it all, and being a watermelon boss is only one finger tip away…no seriously be careful those knives are crazy sharp!